Well I'm half way thru the month and I've made it thru two fashion shows and two birthdays my oldest son twenty-one years old and the youngest turned three. Witnessing my first born turn twenty-one and find his way in this world has been the hardest thing to watch. My daily confession has always been Lord, I trust you with my son. I have confessed that incessantly in the last two years. We didn't have a hard strenuous relationship when he was young. He stayed clear of trouble and we were always able to talk openly. I recall telling him when he turned 17 that our relationship was about to change and it was going to be hard. That statement rang true sooner than later. In the last two years, I’ve cried, questioned who I was as a mother and blamed myself for where he was in life. Had I given him too much? Where did I miss it? How did we get here? My husband gave me some much needed tough love. I am a good parent, but he was growing up and I had to let him. In life there are consequence and repercussions for our decisions. Our son needed room to make his own mistakes. To discover who he was and what he wanted to be as a man and a person. These things are necessary to help develop character. I hated to admit it but he was right. I remember the things I did when I was young that if they hadn't happen I wouldn't be who I am today.
In this transition period, I discovered how I over compensated as a single mother when he was young. Attempting to fill the gap of his absentee father. Fixing everything,enabling some behaviors because I was the trying to cover all my bases. I was a helicopter parent. I just learned that one. I was teaching him and taking care of him but didn't allow him to learn to take care of himself or from his mistakes. Consequence and repercussions. Letting go has been hard but in order for him to be an adult I had to. Not telling him what to do or strongly suggested things was like being in a strait jacket. I had to change my whole conversation. From being a coach to a counselor. Learning to just listen and give advice only when asked.
We are making progress. We are slowly restructuring our relationship. Some days are better than others but that's all a part of his evolution as well as my own. In all of this I'm grateful for the lessons learned. Parenting doesn't stop when they leave home or turn a certain age being a parent is never-ending. Parenting will challenge who you are and requires you to be your best. As the child grows, so should you. Being a parent has shown me how resilient, resourceful and persistent I am and the greatness of the son I've raised. So for that I'm thankful. The evolution of this queen continues....stay tuned.